Love and Sex

This encounter goes back about two months; it was a discussion I had with my roommate about love; or, rather, the holiday of love, Valentine's Day. My roommate, who spent all his life in America, had what I tend to see as the 'typical male American's view' of days like Valentine's Day and its associates, such as anniversaries and whatnot. He generally did not care about them -- he made it clear to me that it wasn't just because he was single on Valentine's Day this year, but just in general he didn't 'give a damn' about pointless days like Valentine's Day or anniversaries. Although, being single, I wholeheartedly agreed about not caring about Valentine's Day, my reason was the complete opposite of my roommates: I disliked Valentine's Day because, every year around this time, I was single. Asians, or at least Koreans, in general have a love-hate relationship with days like Valentine's Day. It is a general understanding that men who are spoken for on Valentine's Day MUST make it special for their girlfriends, or expect all hell to break loose. Likewise, Koreans also have absolutely ridiculous 'holidays' pertaining to relationships -- 100 day anniversary, x^th month anniversary, x^th year anniversary, White Day, Pepero Day, etc. etc. Many of these days are culturally embedded in the Korean way of life. Heavily influenced by Confucianism, the Korean culture heavily emphasizes filial duty, friendship, and loyalty to one's lover. This is readily apparent in the multitude of Korean pop culture; countless songs, shows (commonly referred to as 'dramas' in Korea), and novels -- both classical and recent -- speak of love. And not just any kind of love, but the 'unending, eternal love for a single girl/guy' or its opposite, the 'unbearable heartbreak' that follows when such relationships come to an end.

As I explained the importance that Koreans, and East Asians in general if I am not mistaken, on such relationship-based days, my roommate ridiculed such an obsession with relationships. Admittedly, most Koreans do know that many of these so-called 'lover's holidays' are perpetuated by commercial industries in an attempt to make a few quick bucks, but as far as lovers are concerned in Korea, another opportunity to display of their love to their significant other is all that matters.

Meanwhile, the American culture of sexual promiscuity, especially during one's late-teen/early-twenties, heavily contrasts with the Korean 'ideal' concept of saving sex until marriage, or at least only doing it with those you 'love.' While hook-ups are not unheard of in Korea -- after all, the nightlife in Korea is a great attraction for many Korean citizens -- they are not as common as they are in America. Remaining virgins well into one's twenties is not unheard of in Korea -- rather, it's a social norm, although those who do have sex earlier on is not treated as a social deviant. Both are accepted, although the 'ideal' would be to only have sex with those you love, thus reducing the number of lovers one has accrued prior to marriage.

While America seems to emphasize sexual promiscuity and experimenting (MTV anyone?), Korean pop culture places heavy emphasis on love, although sexual promiscuity does have its place with a certain demographic in Korea (namely the club-hopping playboys/beauties). Such different approaches to sex have, of course, led to different attitudes toward love as a whole, and towards holidays involving love. At the end of the night, especially on Valentine's Day, American couples are expecting nothing but sex; meanwhile, the Korean couple do not necessarily have sex in mind; rather, they see the holiday as a means to display their love and devotion to their significant other, which can then in turn be used as bragging rights to one's friends.

Such differences in approach to love and sex stem from differing ideals that serve as a basis for the culture -- the West and its Greco-Roman influence versus the Far East and its Confucian influence. In fact, had it not been for heavy western influence on Korea in the latter half of the 20th century, who knows how different Korea's approach to love and sexual promiscuity might be?